One of the top 5 regrets of dying people is unresolved conflicts. All of us would agree that all of us are going to die and we aren’t going to be able to take anything with us wherever it is that we go when we die but we would still cling on to our possessions, opinions, ego, thoughts, positions taken in relationships, etc as if we are going to live forever.
Conflicts usually happen due to at least one party taking an unreasonable position and making it a win – lose situation. To convert it to a win – win you need to express your willingness to resolve the situation amicably – that is the beginning of the resolution of the problem at least from your side and then you could wait for the other party/ies to come forward for the resolution. The resolution may not be what you had thought of or in your view is unfair to you, then ask yourself whether it is worth holding on to the conflict versus resolving the conflict and being at peace. More often than not, you would find that a peaceful resolution is preferable and possible.
However there could be situations wherein peaceful resolution of the situation may not be possible when an unreasonable stand is taken by one or more parties concerned.This is exactly the situation that the Pandava’s were in when they asked just for one village and Duryodhana refused which started the war of Pandava’s and Kaurava’s in Mahabharata. In such a case what should one do?
Lord Krishna’s advice in Bhagvad Gita: Even Lord Krishna tried all the means available at his disposal to resolve the conflict amicably, however it didn’t work and war was the final resort – which is the worst case scenario and undesirable to all parties concerned since it is unnecessary bloodshed. But if it has to be so, it has to be so for upholding your Dharma(Duty) – you have to play your role in a detached manner without considering that it is your Guru, relative or your father figures on the other side – this is the advice that Lord Krishna gave Arjun on the battlefield to play his role as per his Dharma and fight the Adharma. So even resort to violence has to be taken to uphold your Dharma is the view expressed.
Acharya Chanakya had proposed Saam(Peaceful negotiations), Daam(Money or allurement), Dand(punishment or fear), Bhed(creating differences or divide & rule policy) to resolve conflicts.
More recently for the freedom struggle for independence of India there were people who preferred taking up arms and fighting the British whilst Mahatma Gandhi proposed Non violence as a method of dealing with all conflicts which ultimately worked.
Whilst an eye for an eye is usually considered a fair basis, it only makes both people blind and in my view is not a preferred option. On the other hand non-violence also may not work in all situations since there are situations wherein you would have to resort to violence in sheer self defence. Whichever way is required must be deployed considering the situation but resolving conflicts amicably is still the best alternative.
The best time to resolve conflicts was yesterday, the next best time is now…
Bodhisattva 