Conflict Management

Just asking who wants to eat what in a normal family would bring out a conflict since everyone wants something different. You are happy in your personal life but your boss isn’t…. There is a truck in the fast lane moving at 40 kmph when you are already late for office. You want a quiet Sunday but the neighbouring building is being redeveloped and you have to cope up with the noise…It is raining and someone has parked in your designated parking space…

Boom!!! Out comes the John Rambo hidden within you with all guns blazing aimed at whoever is in the way. Road rage is just a tipping point for people waiting to explode and teach lessons to those who are least interested in hearing what you have to say…

Conflicts are inevitable but combat is optional. You have to choose your battles carefully since every battle would extract its pound of flesh in terms of your peace of mind. So you have to decide whether it is worth it to combat or let go. Whilst there is no right or wrong answer for how you choose to approach this but being like the Sun in this old saying might help

“Sooraj ko dekh kutta bhaunkta hai.

Sooraj ko koi pharak nahin padta hai..

Phir kutte ko bhaunkte dekh sabhi kutte saath mein bhaunkte hain.

Phir bhi Sooraj ko pharak nahi padta.”

Your peace of mind is far more important than teaching lessons to others…

Harmony

If you were to meet an alien in space you would identify yourself as a Human Being from Planet Earth which is in a Solar System in the Milky Way Galaxy.

If you meet a foreigner you would use the following to introduce yourself with a combination of
Geographical Identity: continent, country, city, locality, building/flat, etc
Social Identity: family, friends, religion, caste, creed, community, status(financial or otherwise), etc
Individual identity:gender, qualification, achievements, interests, etc

Identity is simply a point of reference in interpersonal communication and almost all constituents of your identity can & will change(if you want them to).

The problem is that we have divided ourselves in so many ways that we don’t know how to reconcile these divisions in our own mind. The problem is not the division/classification, it is when you look at life only from one or few parts that limits and narrows down your perspective and makes you radical when you hold tightly to just one or few parts of your identity, missing the broader picture…

In order to live harmoniously, we need to find ways to unite not divide. Harmony begins in our own mind, that is why spirituality promotes dissolving identification…

War and Peace

The World Wars, if at all, have shown us that nothing is achieved by Wars and yet here we are at the brink of a war, which both nations can’t afford (One more so than the other) wherein the instigation is from terrorist outfits but the masterminds could be from across the world. There is no way that you can get to just the masterminds or the terrorists so there would be loss of innocent civilian lives in doing so…

There was an interesting situation shown in the last season of “The Wheel of Time” series on Prime Video wherein two boys are excommunicated from their tribe for resorting to violence to bring back their kidnapped sisters from some violent kidnappers. The tribe follows “The Way of Leaf” wherein violence in any form leads to excommunication. The boys don’t know what to do post excommunication so they say that they will protect the tribe from violent people using violence and allow the tribe to follow its non violent ways. It led me to think that is “Ahimsa” practical and possible at all in a world where violence is an accepted way of life and we already have mechanisms in place to deal with it – legislation(Civil and Criminal Laws), executive (Armed Forces, Police, etc), judiciary (interpretation of laws with respect to the situation), media (to report facts)… Whilst we may have our own views of whether the mechanisms are working at all or not, one thing is certain that violence is an accepted fact.

So do we start compulsory military training, like some nations that have accepted war to be a way of life, for all our citizens(25% or more of which are under poverty line) or do we give peace and religion a chance and create a safe place for people to live without the fear of terrorism/war, if so how? The answer my friend is blowin in the wind, the answer is blowin in the wind…

Ship of Theseus

Our body, thoughts, ideas about life change drastically as we age, so does the content of our lives, our possessions, our memories, our long standing habits (which can also be changed). We are much like the Ship of Theseus wherein all aspects of our lives seem to have changed and yet something remains the same which is the cognizing/witnessing aspect of consciousness that precedes “I/Me/Mine”, the lens through which we view the ever-changing world.

The body is born and will die but there is this element of eternity that precedes birth and survives death of body. You are that. This knowledge has to be directly experienced and the one who does that is “Mrityunjaya” – the one who has overcome the fear of death.

Love and Hate

It’s tragic what happened in Pahalgam. It’s also tragic what is happening in Ukraine, Gaza, etc. Further, the economic tragedy being unleashed by the Nut on the world is unimaginable. It is not that tragedies didn’t happen in earlier times but the speed and explicitness at which they’re communicated in today’s age of mobile communication is mind boggling. Along with the factual news are added opinions, views of those conveying it which further complicates the issue and since we live in an increasingly “connected world” the effects of such news are instantaneous – Canada boycotting US products, US boycotting Chinese Products, closer home Hindu’s boycott Muslim Products and vice versa, and the hatred/animosity that vested interests (Fundamentalists and Terrorists) want to spread is spreading like wildfire. Are we moving towards humanity or against it?

Tragedies happening across the world are flashed on your mobile screen within moments, sometimes even live which inevitably brings stress. Stress is what comes up when you want to respond but are unable to and living in stress continuously leads to psychosomatic diseases. We are bringing it upon ourselves to be continuously stressed by not only updating news on a moment to moment basis but also taking to social media to express our frustrations and add our own two bits of views to the already over opinionated state of affairs and then soon enough there are views/counter views, debates, etc further exacerbating the already depressing situation.

Accept that there were and will always be people who want to promote hatred/violence for their own purposes, you can choose not to be a part of it by not promoting the hatred/violence. You could be the one to stand for humanity even if you are standing alone. None of us are getting out of here alive, my friends, to leave the world slightly better than what we came into, is our responsibility and it is only love that can accomplish that, not hate….

Emptiness is valuable

Intellectuals try to fill the mind, the wise try to empty the mind.

It is in emptiness that true creativity happens, everything else is just a rehash of something learnt earlier.

The Source lies beyond both filling and emptying and is not concerned with either and yet it is the cause of everything. It can only be reached in complete silence which is also the way of emptying the mind

Duck or Eagle?

There’s an interesting story of a “Duck or Eagle – you decide” floating on Whatsapp wherein a cab driver chooses to focus on rendering a great service to each of his clients instead of sitting and complaining about everything that’s bad with the world around(which is plenty ;-)). The story uses the analogy of ducks and eagles – ducks just make noise and complain whilst eagles soar high. So be an eagle not a duck….

I realise that most people have made it a habit to complain about almost everything that touches their lives and in effect make lives miserable for not only themselves but also everyone around them by focussing on what’s wrong.Now there is another way that could be chosen and that is to find what is right about everything and what is good in everyone – it may not change the factual situation but it puts your mind into a positive frame to find a solution and hopefully does that for others around you as well.

My fathers advice to most sportsmen who he trained as a sports psychologist was “Choice of Focus”. You can and you must choose what you focus on. The mind usually brings up memories of failure that deject you and reinforce the same behaviour repeating the same cycle of failure. Instead you could choose to remember the successes or even imagine you being successful in whatever field you choose and lo! it happens. Try it, it certainly doesn’t harm but puts you in a positive frame of mind.

So the next time you open your mouth to complain about something, know that you could use the same energy to praise something that’s good or better still, start working on correcting whatever wrong you notice, instead of just complaining about it.

Humility

Humility is a sign of spiritual progress. Pride is a sign of ego.

Ego driven/Intelligent people are able to glibly rattle off verses from Holy Scriptures and assume that they are in a position to guide others on the spiritual path but they forget that they cannot share what they have never experienced.

Hence look for humility, silence in Guru’s. Such Guru’s(Ramana Maharshi, Buddha, Nisargadatta Maharaj…)would encourage you to practice silence, being in the moment as a witness and find out for yourself. If you can’t find one then it’s better to walk the path alone….

Your direction is more important than your speed. Look inwards in silence

Ubuntu

Ubuntu, a Nguni word meaning “humanity to others,” emphasizes interconnectedness and the idea that “I am because we are.”

We are all interconnected and interdependent more than you would ever know. However you can help others only to the extent you can make yourself capable, as they say in the oxygen mask usage announcement before every flight, it is important to first secure your own mask before you help others.

So by all means make yourself more capable and use your capabilities for the benefit of all.

Yoga

Most people think that Yoga is performing some body twisting exercises to improve flexibility.

Yoga is not only about flexibility(Asana), else every Gymnast would have been a Yogi.

Yoga is not only about breath control(Pranayama), else every endurance athlete would have been a Yogi.

Yoga is not only about maintaining a code of conduct(Yama/Niyama) nor only about withdrawing your attention(Pratyahara) nor only about sitting in meditation for long periods of time(Dharana/Dhyana)

Yoga is all of the above till you realise that life is not about seeking/doing but about accepting/being…(Samadhi)

Yoga Chitta Vritti Nirodha